Alcohol Abuse – Alcoholism – Parenting.com

Sam’s alcoholism is such a huge part of…. the problem, the relationship, him (?)…. that I have a hard time separating it from the abuse that he subjected me, and Max, to. Support group friends that I talk to about this – regardless of which support group it is, Alanon or the group for DV survivors – usually respond with “Does it matter if his abusive behavior was because of his drinking or if it’s just the way he is?” They tend to lean towards the it-doesn’t-matter side.

I’m torn. Part of me believes that it doesn’t matter. He was abusive. That’s all that matters and all I need to know. I don’t know why, but there is another part of me that really wants to know: would he have started treating his family the way he did if he didn’t drink? Are they two completely separate issues or two closely entwined issues or part of the same one? I don’t know. I don’t know why I feel I need to understand.

I came across this article today. I’m still amazed how reading accounts like those in the article can bring me right back to those dark little apartments, hiding in the back room, trying to keep Max safe. I have to remind myself as I read: we’re gone from that last apartment; we live in a cozy little home of our own; we are safe from Sam.

Alcohol Abuse – Alcoholism – Parenting.com.

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3 responses to “Alcohol Abuse – Alcoholism – Parenting.com

  1. Hi! Alcoholism becomes a lifestyle, depending on how long one has been addicted or used to having this “addictive lifestyle” it’s hard to get rid of the old lifestyle even during recovery.

    I’ve been sober for 80+ days now, I’ve never been abusive during my days of being an alcoholic, but I’ve always been short tempered. Even now during recovery I’m still struggling with my temper.

    I see that you have moved out of the apartment you shared with Sam, well to be honest that’s a good move.

    Good luck.

    • Thank you, Henry. And congratulations on your 80+ days.

      I know, oh, I know about the lifestyle, if only as some one along for the ride. I was with Sam for almost 16 years, all added up, dating, living together, married. And I know that not all alcoholics are abusive. Looking back, I can pinpoint events that should have signaled problems ahead. Sometimes I wonder, though, if he hadn’t drank… well…. That route is a road that will never be.

      Best wishes.

  2. I think that the “it doesn’t matter” part is for the alcoholic. Sure, why should they get any attention at all, seems like a waste! But I believe their dying madcow brain it the part that doesn’t allow them to reason what matters. I’m with you, it does matter! Celebrate the survivors, believe in what matters is survival and not any physiology of alcoholics. Let the DNA/behavior patterns of alcoholism become what doesn’t matter and be gone.

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