The effects of…

So, I was in a car accident yesterday; rear-ended while stopped for a red light.  I don’t think she even started to hit her brakes until right before she hit the back of my car, and hit hard enough to shove my Subaru into the car in front of me.  We all walked away and were able to drive the cars away; we were all insured, so I’m sure that will eventually work itself out.

What I find interesting is I’m a bit stiff today: neck, shoulders, back, and the ankle that I broke years back while biking with Sam hurts.  Achy would be the word.  I was getting ready for work this morning and found myself thinking “this feels familiar…  Why?”  I’ve never been in a car accident before, and breaking my ankle was the only major injury above a turned ankle or shin splints from trail running, so where did feeling so familiar with this type of low-grade ache come from?

And then it hit me.  I felt like this almost constantly the year before I left Sam.  My ankle often ached like it was still healing.  My back and neck constantly felt like I’d tweaked them somehow.  I remembered that there were days where my back hurt so bad I couldn’t even turn over to get out of bed.  I’d even gone to my doctor once because my ankle hurt so bad I couldn’t put any weight on it and had to pull out my crutches in order to get around.  (This was probably about 5 years after the biking incident.)

The pain wasn’t directly caused by Sam: he wasn’t kicking my ankle; he wasn’t punching me or getting rough every day.  But I was dealing with aches and pains without visible cause on an almost daily basis.  It was, I am sure, caused by the stress of dealing with him and the abuse.  The reason I’m sure it was due to the stress of living with Sam’s abuse was because it pretty much disappeared after I left him.  Not immediately, but pretty darn quickly.  Oh, my ankle lets me know when the weather turns icy, but it no longer aches for no apparent reason.  And until today, I hadn’t had a dull pain in my back and neck like this since I left Sam.

Not much of a reason behind this post other than to just put it out there that the stress of dealing with Sam’s emotional, psychological and financial abuse or the promise of it on a daily basis left me feeling pretty much like I’d been hit by a car.


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